Pardon Me While I Geekgasm

Things that make me really upset:
Hypocrites
Bump-Its
And Princess Peach

So last night was Saturday night, and like any really cool twenty year old fine and sexy lady- I summoned a male friend to come over at 4AM.  You're thinking "Woot Woo! Booty call!" ... Or maybe you're thinking, "You stupid whore.  I hope you get Syphilis."  Well, I wasn't the one getting The Syph last night, Peach was. 

So the 4AM summoning was less of a booty call and more of a Mario Party tryst. 

I don't know if you've ever played before, but I can assure you- Peach is a whore.  As a rule of thumb when I play and need a computer opponent I always choose Peach, because I hate her so.  I normally put her on "easy" just because I am immature I like to say "Dur da durrr, Peach is easy... Like a whore."

Long story short I put Peach on Normal last night and she not only won (Yeah, apparently I suck at this game) But she set two records. HOW is it possible for a computer player to set records?

Peach always manages to win.  And I know it is because she is getting on her knees for Bowser, but C'MON.  I am continually upset by her because she doesn't deserve to win. Not because she is better than me.  That isn't it.  If she deserved to win I'd probably still hate her, but out of respect, not out of the fact that she is a whore who gets everything that she doesn't deserve.  QUIT GETTING KIDNAPPED AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL. Woe is you, Peach. WOE IS YOU.

Peach to me is a representation of every Adderall snorting, food purging, lemonade drinking girl in college, and I think that it is an abomination that in the original Mario Party games that you can have Peach as a player and NOT TOAD.

E'rrybody knows that Toad gets all the bitches.

Don't believe me? < That is a link, in case you didn't know.